The great indian DICTION..!!

 Phonetics have always had the distinction of being the most debated realms of any language.when it comes to deciding the acceptable articulations and setting bench marks. English being an interational language, fortunately or unfortunately has innumerable slangs to its credit. In our own country, on our behalf we have added a string of new dictions. Well, do we realize that we have our own influences? Here’s a tongue-in-cheek look at us with our regional winds blowing. (Grrrrr… it may include me too.) Its called the Indian “accent”ophilia gene.

A person can come and tell you ”I run”. But this doesn’t necessarily mean he runs on a regular basis! What if this person is from the northern belt of UP or Haryana and had actually wished to say  ”Iron“. A pronunciation that has rusted !! Likewise, the hirsute surd will in all probability write with a ‘pan’rather than a ‘pen’!
The neighbouring Jhats… They take  lots of pains in ensuring that each word they utter is carefully bitten n broken. The result is a language as mellifuous as the rickety old Yezdi struggling to start!! Marwaris, the willy clan, my god are really good and brilliant “bijnessmen”!

Recently, when i was in Pune (hmm..5 months..back..if i remember correctly) there was this ‘PHAT’ Marathi gal who wanted me to “feel” the form! LOL…. Me, taken by surprise, didnt know how to react! Only later it was known that I had to “fill” the form and not “feel” it!!

The omnipresent mallu on the other hand are simblee the best in confusing their A and O and they dont have any indentions(intentions) of correcting it either. They love playing all “Boll”(ball) games. In Andhra Pradesh, the entire gulti ocean seems to be obsessed with the sound ‘oo’! They along with the kannadigas love “sleepingU” and “talkingU”. But the gulti, wanting to have his own niche, loves going to the “dheatre” and not the“theatre” to watch the most flashy, jazzy, colourfull movies ever made. Never risk a “Balakrishna” movie..he is sure to put newtons theories and the physics of motion to test..!
The tamils on the other hand like to ”read-a” and-a “ride-a” and-a“sleep-a”. Did you ever know that a major chunk of the mobile phone users in Tamil Nadu subscribe to “Yairtel” and “Yaircel” and not“Airtel” and “Aircel” ! While people in Bihar specifically come across” High Bholatage Transmission lines” and Bengalis make “bhery bhery tashtee milk shweets”. And a gujrati goes to the“baenk” (bank) to pay his “beels”(bills)!! To top it, the creme de la creme, my chum from assam says he drinks “dude” instead of“doodh”!

pro·nun·ci·a·tion (noun) the act or result of producing the sounds of speech, including articulation, stress, and intonation, often with reference to some standard of correctness or acceptability.

We never bother to look into the meanings of certain words..though we continue to use them..turning  adeaf ear..to bad pronunciations..!!

That was it people. I have missed on many aspects of us i know. But its humanly impossible to do it! Diverse yet United. Thats how we are. Thats how we wish to be. Happy “indian” speaking!

PS : ‘unity in diversity’ is better left in the books..our people are yet to figure out what it actually means..!!

On a lighter note……

Disclaimer : The following is a product of pure imagination and any resemblence to reality is a mere coincidence.

My friend asked me about how i was able to remain single through out my tenure at college and this was my reply……..

Talking about cupid..that little peevish rascal..yeah..he used to frequent me..!!
Excerpts from our conversation.
Setting : a dingy old room,cobwebs visible even in the dark..stale smell of burning out fag !!me looking visibly tired with beads of perspiration on the forehead..fists clinched..but an emphatic sly smile on…!!        a sidney sheldon.. half open..time….hmm who is bothered..lost track of it…….!!
POP….!! ( clavier strains…!!)

me : no….!! (dismayed)..cupid not again…enough of your soporifics…
Cupid (c) : (cynical laughs thunder across the room..!!)

me : stop that.!! i dont want you to wake my roomie…!!

C :  k…how was it with “willy the bully” (inquisitive)

me : (sounding surprised)..did u..spy..snea…..
C(cuts in short) : nope…a guess mate..aferall its your only reprieve..and..
me(cutting in) : kids dont spk such things (sounding alarmed)
C : hey am the (****) messiah of the holy 3 letter word..!! “SEX”

me : hey kiddie..did you last stop by Harleem…!!huh….?
me : see we have  snoopy kids hearing this..!!! i need to censor this dear…we are not off record now..i have my readers hooked on to this..and they dont like profanity in any form..understand..do i make myself clear..now getting down to the point… wat brings u here again?
C : dumb(***) its tym for your shot of oxytocine , home made pheromones and some love potions.

(pulls out a green colour liquid  from stached bottles of oxytocine and sprinkles a dash of pheromones in the air..!!)
me : hey kiddo..little cherub your ingenious therapies wont work..!!
C : (getting red)..why…. you are such a disgrace…

me : hmm.u need to be taught a lesson….!!i have had enough of your juvinile attrocities..transport us to the gals dorms..
C : (getting interested..!!) thats more like it…poof….!
(we get air borne and are transported to the gals dorms….!!)
C: crying out loud..wt(***) hey… you’ve told me the wrong location..i jus find cattles here..
me : chillax kid..appearances can be deceptive..look out..observe…!!
C ****************************************************)(swears galore)
me : cuppi chill it..see this is wat we r given to live with..and now got the point..why your therapies dont work..!!

C : am sorrty..bro..am sorry…!!

me : (kissing him good bye..!!) run to mom Venus and tell her that next time she goes on her maternity hols, to leave a deputy behind..or she will see me sewing her for customer complaints see wat she has done to ma batchmates..pl…and convey ma thanx to aunt minerva..!!
thats the last time he visited me..and i lived happy and gay (the adjective,with the small g) ever after..!!

Blah…Blah…….Blah……!!

I hereby try to make an inspirational comeback into blogging !! well, really am sick of making such vocalizations. Am a habitual defaulter, (ain’t I ?) i keep abstaining from posting here, quite against my resolve to write regularly. Getting my Grey cells to work, has become an exacting task these days. It implies either that i have lost my creative instincts or that am so much sapped into the listlessness that my brain cells have ceased to function (rusted probably !!). As i begin to write this, by summoning all my concentration, my thoughts run riot and ultimately fall into nullity…… I have a vague premonition that, i would be singing off far before completing this piece !!

As an earnest measure to combat boredom, i enrolled mysself in the German classes, but now over two months into learning German, its turning out to be another humdrum….even if am to assume that its the most interesting ‘5 hrs’ of a largely event less day !! During one of those cogitations ( over absoulete nothingness !!), i stumbled upon a startling fact..that boredom is ubiquitous !! At least from my perspective, restricted to my sphere of being !! i came to an understanding that, when we get engulfed into the monotony of life , we fail to see “IT” (boredom) even when it nonchalantly envelopes us. Am afraid that am demoniacal these days, i keep exorcising the satanic manifestation of the self ! This very manifestation prevents me from doing anything prrrooooodductiveeeeee….wait…..wait….wats happening….nope…no… not now…!!  half way through , the villainous thoughts creep in and am forced to abandon this abruptly…..

hope to see you  sooooooooon………………

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

OOOpssss……..

My spirits hit a new low yesterday, in almost a year now. When apparently things seemed to have been going my way,  fortunes took a deep plunge to hit rock bottom !! In spite of cautious efforts  to refrain myself from brooding over ill luck, the recent escapades don’t seem to help me a lot, as am reminded time and again how fate is screwing me left, right and center. I began to speculate whether the cosmos was conspiring against me.

At a time when am really struggling to appease my dad, the broad band bill came down like a bolt from the blue. The bills arrival couldn’t have been more opportune (pun intended), it presented my dad yet another chance to have a go at me.  Some one has eruditely quoted “Speed thrills but kills !!” i stand to testify it to perfection. Reeling under the influence of the high speed connectivity, i started downloading in torrents (via Torrents !!!) , quite oblivious to the fact that am being charged for it.

As dad took a look at the bill, he visibly lipped the F word !! a frown that followed and a glare towards my direction meant quite a few things. It implied that no more movies and freaking outs for the month, a heavy cut in my miscellaneous expenses, in short indoor confinement for at least a month now. The more serious signification was that, i had sucessfuly earned a bit more of my dad’s wrath. These days i rarely open my mouth at home, cos one more gentlemen  has quoted “Keep your mouth shut, when you are in deep shit” !

Its time to log off, as i hurriedly type this, with a vigilent eye over the usage meter. After all one more bill well over 3k is the last thing i hope for !!

A reunion of sorts..!!

Gripped by nostalgia, I let my thoughts ramble down the memory lane, sifting through cached episode and escapades of the “4 year exile” ;as I dreamily scribble this down. Please bear with me if I tend to be far from my pithier self (though only at places..hopefully !!).

Last week it was our reunion, if you can call it one. For it was  that clique which had distinguished itself from the teeming mass of humanity inhabiting the academe,that was convoking. I was all euphoric, cos it was time for a rendezvous with the lions (the brotherhood),in their den. To make it more explicit, I was gearing up to meet my friends. The elation was reasonable, after all they (read friends) were the best thing to have happened  to me in the last four years.

Actually we had got around to procure the certificates and grade sheets, but we were happily unmindful of that after conglomerating.  Though it had been just over a month and a half since we bid adieu, it was some inexplicable sense, that was demanding indulgence as a manifestation of the gaiety, after being in dumps ( clearly a product of ‘the separation’ blues!) for weeks now. I had  difficulty in making sense of the adage “social animal”, it was now pellucid,beyond reasonable doubts.

We all got together by Friday night and it was deemed to be a long night,as we would  remissly chat away to glory. We never bothered to speak sense, for obvious reasons cognizance was tending towards absurdity (pun intended). We made merry like there was no tomorrow. Two days in hostel, we could not ask for anything more.

In spite of cautious efforts, not to let the peevish admin staff (of the college) to get on our nerves, they were successful in annoying us. But we dint let that bother us too much, there were ample reasons to be happy about. We made quick work of acquiring the necessary documents and made sure we don’t laze around the admin block for too long.!!

It was Sunday, the ephemeral blitheness was nearing its end. We were back on our way, clearly fighting to conceal the emotions as dysphoria was slowly setting in, its high time we reconcile to reality; But things are easier said than done.

.

“WE” the people !!

An ode to the best batch of SCSVMV 2K4 to 2k8 (guys alone)

As the legend goes “THEY” were a bunch of young men,who descended from the skies above, like the blistering rays of the Sun, to haunt the hallowed corridors of SCSVMV. They were strong untamed lions, feared none and always spelt fun. They stood tall in times of distress, unfazed by troubles and fought the challenges like men possessed. They were self-made, redefined the parameters of success, belittled the concept of time, scaled heights that were considered intangible. They were as mighty as the Everest; Had the wisdom of Athena, the power of Zeus, the charm of Apollo and the fame of Achilles.
Left many-a-souls reeling under their abominable hypnotic influence. They were embodiment of success and victory. Some say they charmed women and engaged in courtships, while others opine that they exercised strict discipline and ostracized close association with women.
THEY CAME, THEY CONQUERED, THEY LEFT !!!
“THEY” were called “SPARATANS” !!!!!!!!

——– A SCSVMV Folklore

“DASAVATHARAM” — Movie review

Disclaimer : Following is a perception of a free-lance and doesn’t have any far reaching implications to be viewed seriously.

With due respect to KAMALHASAN – THE artiste, THE actor, THE Universal Hero !!

Hello people, those who have grown up watching Kamal as the perfectionist, you need some reorientation. At a time when we are at peace with the belief that he would only back films with a credible storyline, Kamal resorts to sacrilege of sorts. For those who still have the robes of Hey Ram or the regimentals of Kurudhi Punal on, a word of caution DASAVATHARAM is int the place to be.

The film begins on an imposing note, as the flourish of Ravi verman’s camera and Thotta Tharanis art ‘mesmerizing-ly’ brings the 12 th century alive and captures one’s imagination. The music is an added plus as it leaves you enchanted to believe that you have got your moneys worth, The first hour or so is probably the best part of the movie. Before you recover from the impact of the first shot, the movie scurries into the 21 st century of advanced bio-weaponry. But it is here where the storyline miserably faulters before it mitigates to comedy of errors.

The Achilles Heel(s)

The single largest let down of the film is plausibly the feckless handling of scientific concepts. With just 10 minutes to interval it wouldn’t take much for a grade 7 to tell that it’s bull-shitting of the highest order. Probably the director has comfortably assumed that with a lightening paced screen play the blunders would go unnoticed; Unfortunately it doesn’t. You expect something much better from the Kamalahasan stables. you can do nothing but pity the story teller for his ignorance,when the world’s most deadliest Bio weapon is nonchalantly fidgeted around. Even bigger profanation is the way in which, an international terrorist is being tracked down. At this point you wonder whether the director is demented.

Even the the most insane of Governments wouldn’t let a jester of an officer, (who closely resembles your Shikari Shambhu and looks more like a tinsel cousin of Chacha Chowdry(remember your days of TINKLE !!), in the way he handles the situation.) to handle the crisis. Is the CBI, the special task force, the RAW, the army jolly well holidaying in Hawaii ? The chagrin part awaits you, as an utterly lackadaisical Bush (Mr.President of US) resorts to dumb witted slap stick, when an international terrorist with a weapon of mass destruction is on the run !! The director also makes a fool out of ‘THE’ FBI agents..?? He badly needs to be taught about the functioning of the agency..!! It is apparent that he is not clear whether to handle the subject on the lines of humor or to treat it solemnly.

Coincidences are one too many, much to the dislike of the viewers. From now on when ever Kamal slips, falls or Jumps, don’t get excited there is invariably a dump truck or a pile of sand to save his ass, and our hero would happily walk off unscratched every time; whether he falls from a moving train or a two story building, its immaterial!! (Hey Woolverine and Spidy ! watch out !!)

Special note : The censor bureau has been careful enough to silence the lines about PERIYAR (an atheist, reformer) but the comparison of toilet to the temple, quite carelessly is left untouched !! ok lets not dwell deep into politics !!!???!!

The 10 Avtars

Kamal as an actor, as usual, romps home in style. He effortlessly dons the roles with panache. But three roles need special mention. The Special Officer Balram Naidu steals the show; with his body language and slang , has the audience in splits of laughter ( he doesn’t help to the cause of the story, is a different issue!!). Kamal scores a centum in portraying the social activist Poovaragam, he (Kamal) has mastered the lingo and succeeds in producing the desired effect. Kamal as the protoganist scientist Govindarajan, holds the story from falling into a disarray. The other characters fail to impress largely because they have been fitted in for the sake of conjuring up the magical 10 !! and these characters don’t offer the veteran to showcase much of his acting skills.The villain, Khallif khan and old granny look too fabricated and contrived. Of course old granny is the biggest of the make-up malfunctions. She looks appallingly offensive and more like the Oracles of 300 (the movie)!! If people claim it to be a masala movie then, the melodrama quotient is brought in by Avtar singh (one more of kamal’s incarnation in the movie), it is hardly intriguing and is more of a passé.

Others

Asin is charming but irritates you most of the time with her rhetorics and cacophony. i would have felt happier if the character had some more sensibility attached to it. Asin is a better actor and could have been entrusted with a better responsibility, and a bit more room for acting. Mallika (sherawath) is look able only when she is in clothes ‘that-reveal-more-than-what-it covers’ and is better off with her mouth shut !! gifted with humongous assets, one just hopes that after these many years in filmdom she would by now at least try to act for god’s sake (God is not always magnanimous!!) , but the director has used her quite prudently.

Himesh has been a revelation, his rejuvenating numbers are already chart-busters. For the first time you can realize that Himesh is maturing and is turning into a more accomplished music director. Kudos to men responsible for the Special effects, camera and Stunts they are some of the positives of the film. Screenplay is breath taking, but after some time turns into a head ache.

The Bottom line

All said and done, hats off to Kamal for his audacity in embarking on such a herculean project, none other than Kamal himself could have imagined about such a venture. But THE UNIVERSAL HERO doesn’t have to don 10 roles from round the globe to ascertain and testify his title!! he is an actor par excellence, no doubt. From a promising start the film detours into jeopardy and with too many loose ends to tie up, struggles towards the end to recover. Fails to deliver what it promises. But it provides 3 hrs of wholesome entertainment (without logic tho’).

DASAVATHARAM is all about style than substance !!

Am Back……!!

At times boredom can manifest itself as one of the most creative incarnations. Driven to the extent of ‘I-can’t-be-bored-anymore’!! you often tend to indulge yourself in things, that you wouldn’t be doing even in the best of your sanity. Ahem Ahem… so its now my compelling covetous desire to bring out the writer in me!! No chuckles pls…….(am trying to sound serious..!!). It was after this peregrination to the vertiginous heights of the Gharwal Himalayas that i decided to break out of my faineance to pen down something,an innocous desire,to write.

…….How would it feel …………… to be in the midst of snow clad mountains,with pristine whiteness surrounding you…………………temperatures nearing sub-zero…oxygen levels barely supporting normal respiration………. and hmmm…and…to ‘ride’ your lady love..”Rani Mukerji” ……………………………..

your heart beats faster……Pants..Moans…and finally grins….

I was on cloud seven,not merely metaphorical even otherwise !!..it happens when you are 3500 meters above sea level. ! Phewwww…… Am not good at building up the excitement, you need to be a Tony Greig to do it??(making a single sound as exciting as the winning runs of a world cup final..!!). It’s my petullant intent to reveal that Rani is a mule !! that muddles up the Climax that i carefully tried to build up.

It was epitome of adventure, riding on the back of a mule at those dizzying heights in a road that was as slippery as it could get, just broad enough for barely two men to walk hand in hand and a deep ( i really mean deep) valley beneath waiting for your fall!! I have often wondered how it would be if you are a cliff hanger ? i was literally hanging on to the cliff,through the noose tied to my Rani Mukerji ! throughout the 14 km trek!! It seemed surreal, chivalrous and what not ? I was more than happy to get off from my mule which had made a toast of my butt!!

My trip to Kedar, would go down as one of the most exciting and alluring journeys that i’ve ever embarked upon. It’s a fact that we are made to concede to— the reality that we ‘re at the mercy of this omnipotent nature. Even if you are a non-believer the sheer intimidation by the environment around viz. the hissing noise of the massive river flowing between the clefts of the mountains, the spooky eeriness enveloping you, the totally unpredictable climate, the humungus mountains themselves ; leave you dumb folded in awe & respect and makes you believe that there is some eternal force that is par-human, super mundane that governs you.

..What to write !!!

You may be trying to improve or add more content to your site. But as most writers will tell you, coming up with what to write about is often the most difficult part.

Common Themes to Write About
Some common themes for Web site content are:

Personal Introspection
Sites that are personal, but have things like weblogs and other personal insights will change often enough to bring readers back and are easy to write
Consumer Commentary
These sites are usually built by someone who is upset with a company. However, they allow for community building and shared experiences as people tell what happened to them in relation to the company discussed.
Ecommerce
If you have something to sell, the Web is a great place to sell it.
Topic related articles
If you are good at something, you can write articles about it, and as long as you are consistent about posting new material, you will keep your readers coming back.
There are as many different types of Web page as there are Web pages out there.

Brainstorming Content Ideas
But say you have your subject matter decided upon, how do you come up with the idea for this week’s article? A great way to come up with new ideas is to do a storyboard brainstorming session. When you are finished with the following brainstorming session, you should have ideas for many different Web pages.

How to storyboard
Equipment

A large piece of cardboard or other large expanse of free space that can be left cluttered for a while (I tend to use a door, as there is usually nothing on it, and it’s flat
Sticky note paper like Post-It® Notes (if you’re using your wall or a door, make sure that the note paper won’t stain the surface)
A dark pen
Instructions

Step away from the computer This may seem silly when everything on the Web is done with a computer, but if you move away from it for a while, you can get your creative juices flowing and not be worried about your idea as a Web page.
Get out the sticky paper and start writing Web page ideas, themes, notes on them. Write anything you think of – the wackier the better! Write only one idea or note per piece of paper.
As you write them, stick them to your cardboard or wall. Don’t worry about placement for now, just get as many ideas as you can onto the board.
Once you have run out of paper, start organizing the notes on the board. There is no secret to how to organize them. You can choose to divide them by theme, by relevance, by hierarchy, whatever. When I’m designing a Web site I like to divide the ideas into a quasi-structure for the site e.g. ideas for the first page go at the top, and pages that link from there are in the second level, and so on down.
Once you have the slips of paper in an order that pleases you, walk away for at least an hour, and if you can, a whole day. Give your brain a rest from the work of idea generation and organization. Think about something else, take a walk, watch your favorite TV show, get away from the site. When you come back, chances are you’ll have some new ideas for more notes, and the organizational structure might change.
After getting your new ideas down, spend some time getting the structure and ideas written in a more permanent fashion. I like to get one idea written down and then try to rearrange the notes into a new format and write that down too. Once I have three possible structures (or more), I’m content to start working on my site.
Important Notes for Brainstorming Content Ideas

Let yourself go.
Don’t be afraid to write anything down. If it’s still stupid after you’ve taken a break, you can crumple the paper, but for the moment, just get it down.
Don’t give up too quickly.
Often, if the ideas just don’t seem to be coming, you’re probably trying too hard. When you’re ready to stop, ask yourself if there aren’t 5 more things that you can think of that would enhance or clarify what you’ve already written. e.g. If you wrote down “Colored backgrounds” on one note, try to find 5 improvements on that: “all green”, “only Web palette”, “background image”, “themed colors for different pages”, and “colors match my

CAT ‘07 paper leaks!!!

    Think how it would be if the question paper of CAT ‘07 leaks and you are one among those lucky few recipients of the  paper. Perhaps there would be many like me who are hoping against hope, that they would get hold of it!! This could possibly be the outcome of sheer pressure and a very strong indication of  the degree of
“under preparation”. A desperation of sorts has creeped into me these days, the desperation to ”bell  the cat”!! . My preperation as such is dwindling, and far too ow by the standards that cat demands and these desperation and perverted thoughts do not help my cause any further.

……….. But a word of caution to all those day dreamers and who fancy the thought of getting thier hands to the CAT question paper; there two serious repercurssions, one that for most of us it’s beyond our reach to shangai the question paper out of its safe abode and it’s high time you bow down to the fact that there is no short cut to success and go ahead and start your preperation (quite seriously,atleast now that hardly 90 days are left!!) the second thing if at all you get hold of it, you are going to land yourself into lot of trouble,the police and the CBI are gonna be right behind your ass and you would be landing others in a a lot of predicament too, for the revised new question paper after the leak could possibliy  be tougher!!

So folks happy preperation!!